Not all motherhood moments look like this though. Friday night, Juliette and I were experiencing an entirely different and completely non-blissful moment as we went toe to toe with a long and drawn out bedtime battle. It culminated with me screaming at her to "STOP IT!" Literally screaming, like a two year old, AT my two year old.
It's not that I haven't raised my voice at her before. That would be crazy. I am, after all, human. But this was more than just raising my voice - it was a flood of rage, followed by a flood of tears. Then I apologized profusely and layed in the bed crying with my daughter. It was raw, emotionally draining and definitely not one of my finest parenting moments. Shit got real. I'm not sure why I was pushed to my limit that night... it was Friday, I was tired, she was stubborn. Whatever it was, it was the darker side motherhood and the darker side of me. That's how motherhood is sometimes. It's hard. It's exhausting. And it's emotional... it's NOTHING if not emotional. But those dark and raw moments serve just as important a role as the sweet and cuddly ones. Not only are they are my teaching moments, but they also make the bright moments that much brighter.
I'm forever grateful to have been given the gift of being mother to my sweet Juliette. Never had I known love could be so deep and so true until she came into my life. And I'm forever grateful to my mom for showing me unconditional love even in our dark moments (and there were some doozies). I'm sure Juliette and I will have plenty more dark moments in our future. As long as we focus on the bright ones we'll be okay. I once heard a wise woman say, "you gotta let that shit go."
Happy Mother's Day.